REACH OUT

We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. — Anaïs Nin

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." — Proverbs 23:7

Yesterday was a sad day.

tWitch, a much loved man, died by suicide. A man who was hugely talented, loved, respected. We are all shocked and stunned. I don’t know the thought processes and pain that lead him to that decision but my heart aches for his loved ones, who must now struggle with his pain, and all the what-ifs. My heart is heavy, wondering how he must have felt to make that decision.

It makes me think about how important it is for us to REACH OUT when we’re struggling! When life is grim and we’re challenged. Because other people may not understand our struggles, or we understand theirs.

It's ok to not be ok, but don't suffer in silence. Everything is solve-able, resolvable, or manageable. Not neccesarily easy, but there is only one choice that can't be changed. And as we navigate the hard stuff we grow as a human being.

If only we could see ourselves as our loved ones see us. As our friends see us. Or as our colleagues see us…

Life is not perfect, we are not perfect. Sometimes we need someone else’s wisdom, someone else’s perspective to see a way through a dark moment. Someone else to help us see light at the end of that tunnel. So REACH OUT!

It reminds me of my parents’ endless words, especially in my teenage years — this too will pass. The sun will come up in the morning. Or, in my time in personal development, words like “Let it go”.

Where does our language about ourselves come from? Those voices in our head - that inner critic. We all have it. Are they our own words or words we heard from someone else?

Are they uplifting, positive and grounded in self-love, or negative and dark? Are we focusing on our strengths or our weaknesses? Our triumphs or perceived failures?

Are we making the good stuff BIG and the bad stuff small, or the opposite?

Does this sound familiar?

I am [fill in the blank]

I am depressed

I am angry

I am overwhelmed

I am struggling

I am frustrated

I am in a dark place

I am useless

I am humiliated

I am never going to forgive myself/someone else

I am letting everyone down

I am a loser…

If so, PLEASE STOP! This is not who you are really.

Whatever you said after “I am” is your current truth, your current identity. It’s just a thought, a pattern, and you can change it.

Do you know that if you change what you say, you can start to change your beliefs?

That if you change what you say about yourself, you can change your beliefs about yourself?

And not just your beliefs about yourself, but about the world around you.

Because as Anais Nin says, we don’t see the world as it really is, but as we see ourselves.

So again where did our internal dialogue come from? What’s your answer? A parent, a teacher, a friend, social media, self judgement? Does it support us or put us down?

We are just our current habits — even our language habits. Our words create energy. Our words create emotions, and, you can change them.

Please know — you can start to choose differently. You can say amazing things to yourself, and start to feel amazing things about yourself. You have to do it over and over — you have to do the work — but why not? Why not feel great?

Again, on this day, if you’re struggling, REACH OUT!

Everyone has struggles, not just you. Other people have experienced what you’re going through. Some have learned the skills and tools to move through life’s challenges easier. You can learn from them and do the same.

You’re important, and there are answers to life’s challenges everywhere. You may just need help to see them, like everyone else!

YOU matter! Every mistake is a chance to learn. Every woumd can become a gift if you let it. Everything is forgivable under the right circumstances. AND YOU do have and add value in this world.

Your thoughts, and the way you talk to yourself and to other people, create your biochemistry. Choose wisely and you’ll feel better.

Life is experienced through our FOCUS, and the meaning we give to life’s events. Become your own best friend. Talk to yourself the same way you’d talk to a friend in need — and watch your life change for the better.

I am a work in progress.

I am someone who gets back up when I fall down.

I don’t fail, I learn.

I am happy.

I am positive.

I matter.

I know sometimes I need help.

I forgive myself, and others.

I will find a way through this.

I am needed.

I am committed.

I got this!

REACH OUT!

SPRINGTIME

What if tomorrow it were different?
What if when the sun rose, new buds were in flower? It’s Springtime after all.
What if you had a paintbrush and it could all be different?
What would you paint?

We choose.

What if we remembered the love and good will?
What if the past was just that?
Is there really hate and displeasure, or just wounds that need to heal?
Is this a contest, a fight, a battle, a struggle?
Is this a collaboration, a vision, a journey, a story?

We choose.

It’s our creation. Not yours, not mine, not theirs, but ours.
It is a creation. Not ours, but yours, and mine, and theirs.
Each of us looking in, and out, from a different window.
Is it full of honour, goodwill, love and passion?
And how can it be?

We choose.

That is what it deserves
That is what we each deserve…

A time of letting go
A time to grow.

x

Business — it’s tough

Let's be real for a minute – being in business is hard! It’s challenging! It’s stressful! It’s difficult!

Anyone who tells you that it will just make your life easier is dishing out bad advice.

Running a business or team, big or small, will, at times, be one of the most difficult endeavours you’ll undertake. But — and yes, there is a but — it can also be one of the most rewarding, if you set yourself up to win.

I’m not a parent, but we all know having kids is one of the most difficult and exhausting things ever (sorry Mum and Dad!) but, we also know it’s the thing parents are most fulfilled by.

We need to approach our business life in the same spirit, knowing that success will be fulfilling, exciting and rewarding, but will require a plan, a strategy, tools, support — and a tonne of grit and determination.  

When times are tough — and let’s face it, for most of us, Covid & Lockdowns has made it really tough — we have to dig deep and tap into more of ourselves. We have to get even more resourceful and creative. We have to harness more enthusiasm and energy than ever before, to not just survive but thrive.

 Recently I’ve heard so many business owners struggling, and wondering if it’s worth it. That’s a quality question, and one you may need to ask — and answer! If your answer is YES, here are a few things to keep front of mind.

 ONE – take care of YOU! 

Feel free to use my daily mantra — “hydration, nutrition, joy!” A recipe to feel good and energetic. I know, I talk about this a lot. Just do it!

TWO – Get a quality support network.

Disconnect from the complainers, naysayers, and down and outers. Once you’ve said Yes to the challenge you don’t need their vibe. Seek out those who DESPITE everything are taking responsibility for creating a bright future, and looking for solutions. We become who we hang out with — in person and online! Choose wisely and seek out the glass-half-full peeps.

THREE – Ask yourself OFTEN — What else could I do to…

— feel good now?

— get inspired?

— solve this problem?

— add more value & make more money?

— reduce my debt?

Let go of old ways of thinking … doing … being … that aren’t serving you. OMG, dare I say PIVOT? Pivot if you need to! Try something new. Look for new possibilities. New opportunities. New doors to step through.

FOUR – learn, grow, evolve, innovate & respond fast.

Embrace change! It’s the only thing we can rely on. This doesn’t mean just going with the crowd. It means RECOGNISING when things change, not ignoring them. Being flexible, adapting, working out your strategy, keeping an open mind. Running the business you have today, and planning for the business you will run in the future.. We’re surrounded by great resources, many free, that can help us!

FIVE – switch off for a while!

There’s nothing like a break to freshen up our eyes, and help us see new perspectives.  You got into business not for the grind but for the rewards. To create a quality lifestyle for yourself! Give yourself permission to step away for a little bit and Relaaax!

It’s so important to find meaning and joy in what we do. To — grow through — the challenges. And, to take time regularily, or when external forces challenge us to, to reimagine your business!

Be well, stay safe and remain positive!

Adri x

ONE STEP AT A TIME!

“Life is what happens to you

While you're busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

When we want to create something new in life or business, we often find ourselves stuck, frustrated, floundering, distracted.

We KNOW what we SHOULD do, but we yo-yo back and forth between action and procrastination, between follow through and “failure”.

We need to start by cutting ourselves some slack — by not beating ourselves up! Most of the world has been there. It’s quite normal.

However, it’s a dance between giving ourselves that grace AND committing to the way forward. Those who succeed acknowledge their realities AND find a way towards their goals.

This ages me I know, but I remember as a 7 or 8 year old listening to John Lennon, one of my favourite artists, sing “Beautiful Boy”. Credit for the quote should probably go to Allen Saunders, but it was John we all heard. Weird that even at such a young age I was thinking about its meaning: “I get it, live! Time’s passing while you’re busy making plans!” Who knows what John was advising his son, but that’s the meaning I took.

That was then, but decades later I realise how profound that statement is. How easy it is to get stuck in planning/thinking/talking mode. And not moving on to action.

Oprah talks of “resistance”. The bigger the challenge, the greater the resistance we feel, and the more we put things off. That makes sense — big challenges are hard. Our fears come back. Changing is uncomfortable and takes effort. Often our identity — our feelings about who we are and what we can and cannot do — holds us back.

How then do we ACHIEVE, GAIN, CREATE that which we want to bring into existence? How do we cross the chasm between where we are and where we want to be? How do we ENJOY the challenge?

Here’s my #1 answer — KEEP IT SIMPLE! Take ONE STEP towards your goal NOW.

First, get your head straight about people you know who are highly successful — at whatever it is you want to do.

Don’t imagine they were that good on Day One … so you should be too. Don’t imagine they started out with all the answers … or that they have them even now. They STARTED SOMEWHERE, like you. You’re at a different stage of the journey, that’s all. Learn from them, be inspired by them, but that’s enough. 

And yes, keep it simple! Do ONE thing now towards your goal. Life is happening TO you, so stop planning and act. You know what to do.

Be present today, in the moment. Life is happening to you NOW.

Don’t judge yourself by who you want to be “one day”, but against who you were yesterday, and what you did today. And enjoy who you are today. Trust me, the results will often come faster and even better if you do!

Take action today, and celebrate! You’ve shifted the rock you want to move just a bit. And I say “rock” because at the start things probably will feel heavy and hard. It takes more energy to START something moving than it does to KEEP it moving. So build momentum. Don’t stop.  But do it one simple, achievable step at a time. Why does your car uses more gas around town than on the open road? Because it’s constantly stopping and starting. Life is the same.

And enjoy your progress. Rmember, when we feel good, we do more!

Which leads to this. If you’re taking one action, one step at a time, choose carefully! PRIORITISE!

If you want to transform your body by building healthy habits, what comes first? Drinking two litres of water every day? Walking every day? Eliminating a food or habit that doesn’t support you? Pick one. Your choice! Build that new habit muscle. Then move on. Build success on success.

Same with work. Don’t know where to start? If you try and do everything at once those feelings of resistance will overwhelm you. So … Do you need to develop new products? Find a new market? Learn a new skill? Fix your cash-flow? Find a mentor? Write a list, definitely, but then decide what comes first. Maybe what NEEDS to come first! Do that. Build momentum.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. So act today. Maybe yesterday would have been better, but tomorrow will be worse.

Simple steps, taken consistently, lead to big results over time. It’s just like compound interest!

Until next time,

x

Be My (Own) Valentine

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Single, not single, I hope you feel love, and loved — today, tomorrow and beyond

A reminder to practice kindness towards yourself — to fill up on life regardless of your relationship status — show yourself some love each and everyday AND then spread it around to those near and dear to you.

“ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. “ — Jane Austen

5 ways to be your own Valentine today

~ speak kind words to yourself

~ buy yourself some flowers to brighten your home

~ treat yourself to some quality me time — a long bath, read a good book, take a walk in nature, ...

~ meditate and connect to the possibilities of life

~ make some popcorn, get a blanket and settle in for movie night

~ connect with some favourite people

I know, I know, that’s 6! But who’s counting?

Love from me

x

The hidden lessons in decluttering!

The truth is I’m a fairly hopeless declutterer! Yup, I can own it! Whilst I HAVE made big progress over the years there is little that’s methodical or clinical about my approach! Marie Kondo would have a field day!

When I get the decluttering bug, I pull out everything - and I mean everything!  I literally take the house apart, and then slowly - and again, I mean slowly - work my way through everything. 

I pick things up and think to myself “I might need/use this”, or “I can’t get rid of this -  it was a gift”! I convince myself that I should keep that smaller skirt, because, yes, I’ll be that size again, in 12 short weeks!

Over the years I’ve become more observant of my behaviour – my attachments -- and more and more is thrown away, or bagged up for the Salvation Army. Yay for me!

 But years ago I took my “decluttering distraction” to all new heights – I actually sat down and started reading all my old journals! Little did I know it would lead to a great insight about my follow through on my biggest goals!

Yup, this was the year I got a really unexpected, and slightly painful experience, of seeing a real pattern about how I’d been living my life. 

 Reading the pages of my journals I saw entry, after entry, after entry, that read something like this – 

“I’ve had enough! I AM I’m transforming [fill in the blank] now”

“This IS it! I’m [fill in the blank] NOW”

“Adri, this is the moment you change your life! Today is the day you start/stop [fill in the blank]”

“Faaarkk, I’ve wasted so much time! If only I had done [fill in the blank] last year! Imagine how far ahead you’d be? So now I commit to [fill in the blank]”

 
These statements were threaded throughout ALL my journals and notes about by goals! First the realisation came AND then came the self-beat up! 

WTF! Was my initial reaction! 

Then a light went on – Huh, if I was “transforming NOW” why were the list of changes I wanted the same year in, year out? Why hadn’t I ever really followed through?

I sat there, in the face of this rather unfortunate enlightenment - in the realisation that I actually had never been truly committed to finding a way - my “commitments” had clearly been negotiable! Shall we say, they were more like making a wish! Can you relate?

Thankfully this insight helped me tweak what I was doing to turn things around and stay on track with my goals. Excellence is on the other side of action, and so that became a guiding force – I had to decide what was the “right” next step AND then I had to take action!

 AND I had to make my commitments non-negotiable!

They say some 80% of new year’s resolutions have “failed” by early February. I’d say they’ve often never got passed the first day, or week of January.

Often within an hour or two of passionately writing or talking about the “new me” we’ve already start rethinking our “commitment”, or adding some kind of exceptions to the new “decision”.

Often goes something like this;

“Oh I’ll start after the party this weekend”

“I’ll just get this project done at work, then I’ll plan my time for [fill in the blank]”

“I couldn’t do [fill in the blank]  today, because..”

“ what is I fail? I’m not experienced enough to achieve [fill in the blank]”

“I’m so tired – tomorrow”

Sound familiar?

BUT why? Whhhhhyyyyy?

We REALLY DO want that change, right?! 

Why then do we make it ok to stay where we are. To bullshit ourselves over and over that we will start “tomorrow”? 

Why don’t we follow through? 

Why is it ok to break promises to ourselves? Just imagine the relationship woes if our partners, or friends broke their word to us as much as we do to ourselves? Ekk?!

The truth is we tend to stick to what we already do – OUR HABITS – because they are comfortable. They are known and easy! Change is often effort AND uncomfortable. 

When we start to change, or even just think about starting [or stopping] a behaviour, our brain pipes up with all the reasons why this is uncomfortable, scary, hard etc. Our brain wants to keep us safe, and safe is “doing the same old, same old”. Safe is remaining within our comfort zone (emotionally, physically, spiritually). OR, so we think.

So, quick question ‑ did you set any goals for yourself this year? Or last year for that matter? Here we are, mid-February 2021. It feels like the blink of an eye and January is over – so, how are you tracking?

If you are a highly skilled commitment breaker, it’s time to stop beating yourself up about it. Seriously, that’s is just a waste of your precious energy and time! Be gentle with yourself, and know you are not the only one! AND know that you can change.

Decide that this is the year you’re going to make [fill in the blank] happen! AND give yourself the gift of following through! 

Remember, excellence is on the other side of action!

I don’t care if it’s excellence in your health, your relationships, your creativity, your business – it’s action that moves your forward.

Decide you’ll find a way. Get some help and support if you need it. 

Set yourself up to win! Know WHY you want this goal, this change? Decide WHO you have to become/be to make this a reality. Take small daily steps toward that goal! Celebrate your success. 

And hey, if on one day you fail to follow through – don’t give up – just dust yourself off and get started again! 

You got this! 

Here’s to us all creating a beautiful 2021. Make 2021 Transformation Year!

 x